Emotional Constipation: Feminism as Ex-Lax

Wes was a good friend sometimes. When we met in the second grade the only immediately interesting thing about him was that his mom was at every school event ever. So, on the off chance that I remembered to tell my parents about the book fair or parent-teacher conferences or whatever it was, at least there was another kid around to play with.  This wasn’t the case during school hours though, not that Wes was a mean kid or anything, but he was one of The Boys. I was a cry-baby.

In the eighth grade, Wes was a popular guy. Not in the stereotypical American high school kind of way, he just had a lot of friends.  And when we met again after that electric and uncertain summer, we were both in high school band. He was the musically talented freshman from our feeder school and I didn’t want to run the mile every week in P.E. Dressing down? As if. So I picked up a strange instrument I had never heard of before, the baritone horn, and for the rest of my high school career spent my Fridays in Fall at our local community college’s football field cheering on the home team. And for most of those Fridays Wes was there too.

After high school, after prom and all the band competitions, after his wonderful mother passed and much much after that big fight we had, we moved in together as college roommates. We were the best of friends. We could literally have conversations without speaking and if one of us was caught up in a bad mood the other could usually coax them out of it. I’ve moved in with a lot of friends, and Wes was by far the easiest to live with and tolerate. But when I started recognizing my queerness it complicated things. I started realizing the unique place I held or maybe didn’t hold in his life.

Wes was my best friend but there were things that were off-limits in our relationship. Our sex lives? Nope, too weird. The gay thing. Emotional vulnerability? That’s what girlfriends are for, he seemed to argue.

“Umm… hello?!”

I was never quite like “other” boys. Kimberly was my favorite Power Ranger, not because she was pretty, but because I really really liked pink. I still do. I had girls as friends because they didn’t laugh when I jumped rope or when I was crying after I tripped and scraped my knee on the hot gravelly blacktop.

I didn’t like “girly” things because I’m queer. I’m not queer because I liked those things. My gay dad was very present in my life, he taught me to play catch, forced me to do little league, didn’t buy me the dolls I asked for, told me exactly what a boy should do and how a boy should act, so eff all that rhetoric.

That’s just to say that I’ve lived most of my life keenly aware that 1. I liked boys. I love boys. And 2. Acting and presenting as strictly masculine didn’t matter to me. Of course both of these were at times very frustrating, but they necessarily colored that way I interacted with people. My identity as a queer man, but moreover, as one that is unconcerned with the small emotional capacity imposed on men by the gender binary, has severely limited my relationships with other cismen. And separate from my romantic attraction to boys, I crave the platonic companionship of male friends. I can’t explain why. I’m not sure I need to. Because of this, I felt true friendship escaped me. I’m just not “one of the guys” but I am a guy.

Philosophical inquiries about gender aside, as I float in this once irritating now dissipating limbo, I find friends. Wonderful friends who I can talk to about anything, friends of different genders, friends with no gender, friends I can share my emotions with. These are people who understand me. And I remember that this is ONE reason, of many, why feminism is SO important for cismen. To be able to share yourself limitlessly with someone you care about is a beautiful and important thing, be it romance or friendship. It’s my belief that my experience in this is not unique. To share that emotion, unmediated by the arbitrary and imposing binary, might be awkward but it doesn’t have to be.

If you've made it this far maybe you’ve come around to my way of thinking. Perhaps you’re even ready for your first of many exercises in subverting the patriarchy. Grab your friend, sit him down and say these three words:

“I love you.”

Drop the “T”?! Saying no to Transantagonism

As the Associated Students Gender & Sexuality Equity Center celebrates being approved for a Trans Program, and gears up for our Transgender Day of Remembrance events, it seems like trans folks are winning, and that progress is being made--at least in Chico. While that may be the case, some people are coming "out of the closet" with their transphobia and transantagonism (opposition, explicit disdain or active hostility or opposition towards trans people). 

Apparently, there is a push “by a (select) group of gay/bisexual men and women who have come to the conclusion that the transgender community needs to be disassociated from the larger LGB community”. The “T” within the traditional LGBTQ+ acronym represents identities that fall under the trans umbrella, which include but are not limited to: transgender, transsexual, gender non-conforming, non-binary, genderqueer, genderfuck, gender fluid, and agender.

From the cis-washing of the movie “Stonewall” to the rates in which trans women of color have been murdered, now is not the time to further marginalize trans individuals. Now is not the time to circulate such a bigoted petition. Now is the time to stand in solidarity with the trans community. Here are three ways you can help!

1)    Don’t sign the petition! The unfortunate petition can be accessed here. If you insist on clicking, I ask that you only follow the link for information on how NOT to approach/view the trans community.

2)    Check your privilege: For cisgender folks like me who live within a system that affords us privilege over trans people, we need to check our privilege and educate ourselves on some of the ways that we can stand in solidarity with trans people. On top of reading this blog, here is great way to get started! And feel free to scour the internet for other ways to be supportive to trans folks.

3)    Attend events hosted by our NEW Trans Program: The GSEC has recently been approved to create a Trans Program in addition to our already existing LGBTQ+, Women’s, & Outreach programs. While we have been hosting events to educate the larger Chico State campus and community about trans issues and identities for a couple of years now; we now officially have the capacity to have an entire program focus on trans issues. The first events officially hosted by the Trans Program, and in collaboration with Stonewall Alliance and the Transgender Task Force, are for Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) which will be taking place from November 16th-20th.

a)    Transgender Day Of Remembrance Altar
Date: Nov. 16 – Nov. 20
Location/Time: GSEC Office BMU 004 | 10 – 4pm
Description: An altar will be housed within the GSEC in remembrance of those who have lost their lives to anti-trans violence. Anyone may come and pay their respects if they wish. An activity will be held as well in conjunction with the altar.

b)    “Screaming Queens” Film + Discussion
Film: “Screaming Queens”
Date: Wednesday Nov. 18th
Location/Time: BMU 210 | 6:30-8:30pm
Description:  A documentary about transgender women and drag queens who fought against police brutality at Compton's Cafeteria in San Francisco. After the film screening small group discussions will be held to allow everyone to have the opportunity to share their thoughts about the documentary.

c)    “Say Their Names” tabling / wall activity
Date: Thursday Nov. 19^th
Location/Time: Trinity Commons | 10 – 2pm
Description: People will have the opportunity to participate in an activity to commemorate those who have passed away. The activity will consist of building a paper candle and having the option of reading a statistic or writing your own message.

d)    Trans Stories and Panel Discussion
Date: Thursday Nov. 19^th
Location/Time: UHUB | 5:30 – 7:30
[Food and warm beverages]
Description: Stories about navigating life as a transgender person will be read out loud by people in the Chico transgender community. This will be followed by a panel focusing on transgender experiences.

This Image Is Why We Need To Have A Nuanced Discussion About Race, Gender, and Intimate Partner Violence

Content Warning/Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence

In recognition of Domestic Violence Month, a month established to bring visibility to domestic and intimate partner violence, I want to deconstruct an image that, disturbingly, has been circulating online. The image shows a seemingly battered black woman with a caption that reads in all caps, "A real Black women would put an ice pack on it, wear glasses, call off sick instead of alerting 5 0”. It’s frightening. 

Statistically, approximately 29 percent of all African-American women face domestic and/or intimate partner violence within our lifetime--a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 2.5 times the rate of women of other races. 

However, stereotypes and expectations of black womanhood impact both the rates in which black women report intimate partner violence, and severity in which their claims are considered. Black women are less likely to report domestic violence due to potentially criminalizing their partners, and even when black women do report, they are not considered as urgent. 

Stereotypes also largely impact black women’s ability to receive support for intimate partner violence. The one implied in this image is that black women are somehow inherently “strong” and therefore should be equipped to endure all circumstances--even knowingly harmful ones. Another stereotype that black women are forced to navigate is that we are angry and belligerent. This widely believed stereotype that deduces the humanity of black women to a single emotional expression, renders it difficult for society to even see us as being victims of domestic violence in the first place.

Since black women carry the assumption that our behavior and actions are angry or in response to anger, support isn’t offered, and often times the victim or survivor of violence becomes criminalized. Instead of receiving help and protection in dire situations, Black women are subject to criminalization--and that can come with continued violence and harassment from law enforcement.

This narrative, however tragic, is not unique. Remember Marissa Alexander? She is the black woman who made national headlines for being arrested and incarcerated for firing a warning shot at her abusive husband. Or how about Cherelle Baldwin? In 2013, Cherelle was imprisoned for killing her husband--a repeat abuser of hers. Black women are expected to endure domestic and intimate partner violence, navigate the trauma that accompanies these forms of violence (often without institutional support) and, are subsequently vilified and criminalized for taking steps to defend ourselves.

It seems as though the outcomes for black women who are victims or survivors of sexual assault are bleak. Luckily, there are agencies that exist to support black women, at the intersection of race, gender, and intimate partner violence. If you or a friend are seeking support, consider the following resources. They are dedicated to offering culturally competent support to survivors of color:

The Institute of Domestic Violence in the African-American Community

           

Women of Color Network: National Advocacy Through Action 

Faith Trust Institute 

           

I am an Activist Because...

Everyone calls me Kia. You can say that I am new to this whole college thing, I wouldn’t though. In elementary school, every student wanted to be a doctor, ballet dancer, singer etc...I just wanted to be a college graduate. I mean why not?

“GO to college. GO to one of the top universities.” We see this all day on social media, TV shows, and even newspapers. I rarely ever see a “Graduate from College!” ad.

In my opinion, media doesn’t stress graduating college enough. According to ThinkProgress, “only 56 percent of the students who enter America's colleges and universities graduate within six years, while only 29 percent of students who enter two-year programs complete their degrees within three years.”

What can I do to avoid becoming one of those students?

Well, I surround myself around seniors here at Chico. After we have a full conversation I mention that I’m a first year student. “Wait...you’re a first year student and you have an internship? How are you so involved on campus already?” I love the face they give me when they notice I am the youngest in the group.

I’m assuming that most first year students don’t really get involved because they are unaware of all of the opportunities available to them. One organization that I took advantage of was the AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center (GSEC). You know that room in the BMU with the big rainbows and women empowerment signs on the door? Yea...that’s us. I would tell you about how PRIDEful we are but I’m sure the door speaks for itself.

The GSEC has 3 different programs. There is the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, PLUS Program (LGBTQ+), the Outreach Program, and the Women’s Program.   

If you couldn’t tell already, I am proud to say that I am apart of the LGBTQ+ Program. “So like .. Are you Gay?”

“No...I am bisexual.”

“Ohhh okay...so you are confused?”

“NOOOO…I like both, men AND women.”

As an activist here at the GSEC it is my job to educate people about misconceptions so people can stop thinking that, “all LGBTQ+ people CHOSE to be gay.” I mean...who would want to be a part of a community that is one of the most hated in America? Too many people from the LGBTQ+ community attempt/commit suicide and some people still think we all choose to be gay?  Hearing that any human has committed suicide is very heartbreaking but when it is someone who is in my community it hurts even MORE. Many people who identify as LGBTQ+ feel the need to commit suicide because they think something is wrong with them or that society won’t accept them.

You don’t honestly think we like being abused by our parents or bullied by our peers, right?

“If being gay is a choice, when did you choose to be straight?”

I love my sexuality. I feel like I have the best of both worlds, but what about those who don't? What about the parents who claim they will love their child unconditionally but when their child “comes out”, their parents don’t want anything to do with them? Parents teach their children that being gay is wrong so the kid starts to think something is wrong with them. It eats them up inside because when they try to lay with someone of a different gender, they feel no chemistry but when they see a person of the same gender it feels right.

As an activist, it is my responsibility to give knowledge to those who don’t really understand. It is not my job to persuade you to accept me. That is all up to you. I simply want to educate you about LGBTQ+ issues and identities to dispel these myths and stereotypes and maybe that will change your opinion about my community. If it doesn’t, at least you will have some knowledge about us. Now that you have read this, you have taken your first step to educating yourself. Continue to read blogs!! I will post my blogs on: October 28th, November 18th, and December 10th

Neuro-Diversity

              As I spend more time in the LGBTQ+ community I am becoming more aware of the different mental and physical health issues we face.  Growing up I commonly heard, “lesbians, gays etc., suffer from mental illnesses that make them believe they are queer”.  There was always a reason or a fault as to why we lived differently.  Homophobia and ignorance spat out various judgements in order to twist truth into reason.  What this has failed to cover is the actual mental illnesses that LGBTQ+ people are at risk of.  The risk of self-harm, suicidal tendencies, substance abuse, and mental disorders are greater within the community.  This can be caused by various things, whether it’s naturally occurring or a combination of prejudice, homophobic hatred, internal shame, social and family exclusion; the list goes on.  LGBTQ+ youth are 6 times more likely to experience depression and 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population.  Within the LGBTQ+ community, 20 – 30 % abuse substances and 25% abuse alcohol compared to 10% of the general population. **

                I happen to fit into two of these statistics, a result of my upbringing and natural causes.  In high school I dealt with self-harm and in the past year was diagnosed with temporal lobe seizures.  I have since stopped harming myself, however my seizures will stay with me.  These seizures don’t mean I fall on the ground and shake, or foam at the mouth or basically any of the images you might “think” are associated with a seizure.  Temporal lobe is the area of the brain that controls the emotions.  This sometimes affects how I register emotions in certain situations but also triggers electrical spikes in my brain that cause “emotional seizures”.  It’s one of the most difficult things to explain to people. It lasts at most about 3 minutes with every range of emotion packed into my brain all at once.  These episodes have started to dwindle but I have a new understanding how neuro-differences not only affect your life but also your identity.

                Specifically these seizures have categorized me into society’s stigma of someone with a mental illness that led to queerness.  This is a ridiculous stereotype to have attached to your identity when they are very separate things.  It denounces the pride you have for yourself and overshadows the importance of addressing the actual effects a mental illness can have.  Instead of recognizing that LGBTQ+ individuals need help or assistance with whatever they are suffering from: self-harm, suicidal tendencies, substance abuse, or mental disorders; we are marked and shuffled away to be used later as evidence.

                I’m not ignoring the progress society has made, but the progress is too slow.  THIS is why I am here.  To share my experience with mental illness and separate it from my sexual orientation.  To raise awareness of the health issues the LGBTQ+ community suffer from and need services for.  To encourage others to stop obsessing over why we are different and obsess over helping instead.

By: Ashley Hoy

**More information about the various statistics referred to above can be found on the National Alliance on Mental Illness’s LGBTQ support article.  www.nami.org/Find-Support/LGBTQ

Introducing Desiree

Hello Readers!

I am so excited to be writing to you from the AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center’s blog! Writing has served as an outlet for me, and is integral to my activism. With the increase of social media and the facilitation of information spreading, I use my writing as a platform to amplify my own lived experiences, and to expose systemic injustice. I am also very excited to have been offered this new internship opportunity! When I transferred to Chico State University almost two years ago, there were no spaces or organizations that addressed the specific needs of people of color who identify within he LGBTQ+ community. When I initiated The Queer People of Color Society, a student organization intent on fulfilling that need, as well as bringing our unique experiences to campus and the greater community, the GSEC was intentionally and entirely supportive of our efforts. This semester, I am working directly within the women’s program, and I hope that my presence in the office will continue the GSEC’s commitment to working with marginalized communities through an intersectional lens.

All of our identities inform our unique experiences, and cannot be separated. For me, there can be no trans movement that is separate from the women’s rights movement, that is separate from the black power or #blacklivesmatter movements, that is separate from the gay rights movement, as I--and several people like me--embody a number of those identities simultaneously. Therefore, our activism must also take into consideration the ways in which our identities intersect and impact our lives in unique ways.

I have been doing activist work for my entire life, and it’s one of the things that really gives my life purpose. I am an activist because it’s important for me to feel like I’m creating change and am impacting the lives of others. As a black queer woman who experiences several forms of systemic oppression, I try to do whatever I can to ease the lives other people like me. Whether it’s working on ways to support formerly and currently incarcerated black women (since we are the fastest growing demographic within the prison-industrial complex), whether it’s facilitating workshops focused on empowering inner city girls of color, --whether it’s using singing and performing as an artistic and creative outlet to highlight the struggle--my life is devoted to improving the conditions some of us are forced to endure. That is the center of my work! Expect a critical racial, queer, feminist lens to be the basis of the work that I post here. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to my work and the work of the GSEC this semester! 

Mythbusters! Pansexual Edition by Kyla

MYTHBUSTERS

Pansexual Edition

Myth #1- A person who identifies as pansexual is attracted to pans.

Overall, pansexuality is defined as someone who is attracted to all sexes and genders.

A person who identifies as pansexual may want to explain what pansexuality means for themselves, and that’s awesome. So, this definition may vary a little but identifying as pansexual has nothing to do with pans. Sorry pans, your stovemate (see what I did there?) is out there somewhere.

Myth #2- People who identify as pansexual are attracted to every single person ever in the entire world.

No matter how you identify, gender likely does not make up the entire reason you are attracted to someone. There are probably a lot of reasons you may be attracted to someone, perhaps they have a cute dog, or a cute butt; who knows? This is still true for people who identify as pansexual, except gender is probably not on that list.

Myth #3- Pansexuality is made up and does not exist.

Either I’m a unicorn, and there are also a gazillion other awesome unicorns, or it exists. I’ll take either. Problem solved.