A Seat at the Table: Offering Inclusion to Ignored Intersections

After transferring to Chico State from a religious university that was extremely unaccepting of my queer identity, I was so excited to finally find a community that accepted me holistically. However, I quickly found out that many queer spaces weren’t so ready to be inclusive towards people of faith. When I was in religious circles, my sexual orientation was seen as invalidation of my religious identity and, in extreme cases, caused me to not be welcomed back to a particular group or organization. In queer spaces, my religious identity was seen a barrier to fully participate in that community.

In activist communities, many of us find solace and sense of community that we have been missing our entire lives. But when we have intersections of our identity that are often seen as conflicting or in tension, it can be difficult to find a sense of total acceptance. As activists, full accessibility of our spaces and events should be of the utmost importance. People of faith, folks in recovery/sobriety, and teenagers are just a few demographics that have often been left out of the conversation when forming safe spaces surrounding feminism and LGBTQ+ issues. Negotiating these identities is not always easy, but when we as are intentional about creating safe spaces for all people, we become a better community because of it.

Thankfully for those of us living in Chico, we have so many wonderful community organizations that are welcoming and affirming to these (and many other) intersections. Below is a list of groups in Chico that are safe and accepting spaces of LGBTQ+ people who may have other identifiers that have previously inhibited them from seeking support and community. And, of course, the AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center is, and always will be, a safe space for folks from all walks of life.

Support for minors:

Stonewall Alliance Youth (SAY) Teens

The teens group is a non-threatening, non-discriminatory, and safe outlet for teens (ages 14-17) to talk about issues surrounding sexuality. They are inclusive to all youth and meet every Thursday from 3:30-5:00pm at the Stonewall Alliance Center. Contact Conner at conner@stonewallchico.org for more information.

Support for queer folks in recovery:

http://queersobrietysupport.tumblr.com/

Online community that is a safe space for queer and/or trans folks thinking about sobriety, struggling with sobriety, or otherwise looking for comfort, community, and resources.

Affirming spiritual congregations in Chico:

Trinity United Methodist Church  

Methodist Church

285 E 5th St, Chico, CA 95928

(530) 343-1497

Faith Lutheran Church

667 E 1st Ave, Chico, CA 95926

(530) 895-3754

New Visions United Church of Christ

1600 Mangrove Ave Suite 175

(530) 342-4913

Congregation Beth Israel Synagogue

1336 Hemlock St, Chico, CA 95928

(530) 342-6146

By: Margaret van der Bie

Placing Stigma Where It Belongs: Into the Conversation

If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t refrain from going to the doctor because someone might have it worse than you. You wouldn’t ignore your persistent physical cold symptoms, so why would you ignore your mental health? Here’s the problem: you don’t want anyone to think there is something wrong with you, the burden of the stigma associated with mental health weighs heavy on your shoulders. This stigma keeps us busy worrying what others will think of us, instead of worrying about taking care of ourselves. And just like our physical health, our mental well being affects everyone, from every social class, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

            

As a college student here at CSU Chico, I hear so many of my peers talk about their struggles with managing stress, anxiety, depression, and prioritizing their self-care. One might wonder how we can create a social change, to promote this notion that it is okay to not be okay. Here is what we can to to create this change: we need to normalize the conversation regarding mental health, perpetuate the notion that mental health struggles affect everyone and look different to everyone. Creating a wave of change in which people can openly express their feelings, their struggles, and their self-worth is extremely important to one’s well being. We need to address the fact that stigma keeps us from talking about mental health and seeking help for it, and place stigma where it belongs, into the conversation. 

Listed below are some of the organizations/offices on our campus that you can utilize to actively pursue a healthy mental well-being:

UMatter

633 Brice Ave., Chico, CA 

530-898-6345

Safe Place

633 Brice Ave., Chico, CA

530-898-3030

Counseling and Wellness Center

Student Services Center 430

530-898-6345

Student Health Center

At the intersection of Legion Ave. and Warner St.

530-898-5241

AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center

Bell Memorial Union 004

530-898-5724

Emotional Constipation: Feminism as Ex-Lax

Wes was a good friend sometimes. When we met in the second grade the only immediately interesting thing about him was that his mom was at every school event ever. So, on the off chance that I remembered to tell my parents about the book fair or parent-teacher conferences or whatever it was, at least there was another kid around to play with.  This wasn’t the case during school hours though, not that Wes was a mean kid or anything, but he was one of The Boys. I was a cry-baby.

In the eighth grade, Wes was a popular guy. Not in the stereotypical American high school kind of way, he just had a lot of friends.  And when we met again after that electric and uncertain summer, we were both in high school band. He was the musically talented freshman from our feeder school and I didn’t want to run the mile every week in P.E. Dressing down? As if. So I picked up a strange instrument I had never heard of before, the baritone horn, and for the rest of my high school career spent my Fridays in Fall at our local community college’s football field cheering on the home team. And for most of those Fridays Wes was there too.

After high school, after prom and all the band competitions, after his wonderful mother passed and much much after that big fight we had, we moved in together as college roommates. We were the best of friends. We could literally have conversations without speaking and if one of us was caught up in a bad mood the other could usually coax them out of it. I’ve moved in with a lot of friends, and Wes was by far the easiest to live with and tolerate. But when I started recognizing my queerness it complicated things. I started realizing the unique place I held or maybe didn’t hold in his life.

Wes was my best friend but there were things that were off-limits in our relationship. Our sex lives? Nope, too weird. The gay thing. Emotional vulnerability? That’s what girlfriends are for, he seemed to argue.

“Umm… hello?!”

I was never quite like “other” boys. Kimberly was my favorite Power Ranger, not because she was pretty, but because I really really liked pink. I still do. I had girls as friends because they didn’t laugh when I jumped rope or when I was crying after I tripped and scraped my knee on the hot gravelly blacktop.

I didn’t like “girly” things because I’m queer. I’m not queer because I liked those things. My gay dad was very present in my life, he taught me to play catch, forced me to do little league, didn’t buy me the dolls I asked for, told me exactly what a boy should do and how a boy should act, so eff all that rhetoric.

That’s just to say that I’ve lived most of my life keenly aware that 1. I liked boys. I love boys. And 2. Acting and presenting as strictly masculine didn’t matter to me. Of course both of these were at times very frustrating, but they necessarily colored that way I interacted with people. My identity as a queer man, but moreover, as one that is unconcerned with the small emotional capacity imposed on men by the gender binary, has severely limited my relationships with other cismen. And separate from my romantic attraction to boys, I crave the platonic companionship of male friends. I can’t explain why. I’m not sure I need to. Because of this, I felt true friendship escaped me. I’m just not “one of the guys” but I am a guy.

Philosophical inquiries about gender aside, as I float in this once irritating now dissipating limbo, I find friends. Wonderful friends who I can talk to about anything, friends of different genders, friends with no gender, friends I can share my emotions with. These are people who understand me. And I remember that this is ONE reason, of many, why feminism is SO important for cismen. To be able to share yourself limitlessly with someone you care about is a beautiful and important thing, be it romance or friendship. It’s my belief that my experience in this is not unique. To share that emotion, unmediated by the arbitrary and imposing binary, might be awkward but it doesn’t have to be.

If you've made it this far maybe you’ve come around to my way of thinking. Perhaps you’re even ready for your first of many exercises in subverting the patriarchy. Grab your friend, sit him down and say these three words:

“I love you.”