What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About: Mental Illness

So you’ve heard me rant about privilege, periods, and violence, but today I feel like discussing something a little closer to home: mental illness. It’s something that so many of us, myself included, struggle with, yet it gets little to no visibility. It’s stigmatized, feared, and silenced. Too often do we make generalizations about mental illness instead of actually drawing personal experiences from those who suffer from them. Prior to developing a Panic Disorder I actually had no idea there was such a wide variety of mental illnesses alongside a plethora of symptoms. I’ve learned so many things about mental illness following my diagnosis.

First, a traumatic experience doesn’t have to occur for your development of a mental illness to be triggered. As for myself, I believe that being informed about an event that happened to a friend of mine is what triggered my anxiety disorder. Of course, genetic predisposition and environmental factors could have played a role, but I am sharing this because it is completely valid if you are triggered by things that may seem minuscule to others. Second, you don’t have to know what’s going on in your brain, why it’s happening, or anything of the sort. So many times after sharing my diagnosis with others I was asked “Well why are you anxious?” or “What happened?” and just about 100 other questions that I did not have the answer to. More times than not you won’t have the answers to these questions, and that is okay. Again, whether you’ve experienced trauma or not, your feelings are still valid. One controversial issue in the realm of mental illness is medication. Personally, my experience with medication was an unpleasant one, which eventually deterred me from experimenting with more. With that being said, if medication helps you accomplish daily tasks and you have the means to get it, then take it without remorse. I found that many people used fear tactics on me when I shared that I was interested in trying medication, and this is not okay. We all have different ways of coping with mental illness, and if taking medication is yours, so be it.

Speaking of coping, I thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve found to be therapeutic when experiencing a panic attack. Number one has to go to podcasts. Finding a podcast that really sparked my interest and listening to it while driving, or pretty much anywhere if i’m feeling anxious has proven to be so helpful for me. I prefer them to music because I feel compelled to actually focus on what they are saying rather than my symptoms. My personal favorite podcast is titled "Coffee with Chrachel” and follows a hilarious couple with two lovely cats who are getting accustomed to living in Seattle. They discuss everything from video games, to coffee, to sex positivity and I love it. But really, what helps me the most is simply talking to people. Confiding in a trusted friend or partner about how you’re feeling, expressing to them that you don’t mind being checked up on, or even just sitting in silence with them has changed my life for the better. Most of all, I want you to know that you’re not alone in this fight. Of all the things I've learned on this journey, the most important one is that it’s okay to not be okay.

Sierra Caraveo

Trans Program Intern

What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About: Menstruation

Periods: So many people get them, yet they are stigmatized and made out to be unnatural. Menstruators are thought to be un-pure and moody. Periods are something that are so natural, but we are taught to be disgusted, even scared of our own bodily functions. Menstruation products such as tampons and pads are highly taxed and deemed luxury items as if we have options other than to  BLEED EVERYWHERE. It baffles me that a product that is 100% a necessity for folks who get periods is made highly expensive and, in some cases, unattainable. With that being said, I sought out my favorite meninist, Ryan Williams, to gain knowledge as to why the tax on period products is so crucial. Williams, a 19 year-old self-proclaimed meninist from England, claims that tampons should be taxed because women should “just learn to control their bladders”. He goes on to say that our lack of ability to control our bladders is not a taxpayer’s problem. Aside from William’s apparent failure to pass 7th grade Biology, there are deeper issues within his ideology.

First, women are not the only people that have periods. Due to the medicalization of trans identities we often forget that there are trans men that menstruate as well. In fact, menstruation can be an almost traumatic experience for trans men who don’t have the means or desire to medically transition. Although his belief that a person’s ability to control urine somehow equates to our blood is problematic, what really frightened me was William’s claim that period products are not a taxpayer’s problem. This goes so much further than the surface because what he really means is that women are not a taxpayer’s problem; therefore, women and people who menstruate are a problem. He and people that support the tax on period products completely erase the experiences of homeless people who don’t have access to them, young girls that are forced to miss several days of school while they’re menstruating, and virtually any person that has ever had a period. Items that are truly luxurious such as viagra and condoms are tax free and sometimes complementary, so why is it that people who have periods are having to pay for something that is involuntary. Free period products are a fundamental human right. They should be tax-free better yet, entirely free. Every person that menstruates deserves access to these products. I encourage Williams and like-minded individuals to do some research on the effects that using unsanitary period products, which is the only option for some menstruators, has on our bodies. Furthermore, I encourage folks to speak up about menstruation. Share your stories and connect with other people who have periods. If you have the ability consider donating to organizations like Free the Tampons, which actively works to equip public restrooms with free tampons. On a larger spectrum, we need to change the way menstruation is viewed and show people like Williams that our blood makes us powerful.

The Balancing Act

Ever since he could pick up a textbook my older brother Jared has been known as the genius of the family. If I could name any two traits in which Jared encompasses it would be diligent, and serious. One would understand then, why it came as a shock to me when I received the text message I received from Jared at the beginning of this semester.

I rarely talk to my brother, but I began this semester by sending him a text wishing him well. His response back ended with “And don’t forget, have fun.” “Have fun”. The words jumped around inside of my head. “Have fun”. This coming from the person who gets less than five hours of sleep a night because of how much he is doing all at once.

As the semester goes by I have found myself in the reality that is, junior year of college. Where even the simplest of all stressors are at an all time high. As the weeks go by, I keep thinking back to my brother Jared’s text message.

Initially, I was bewildered. I would have never expected those words to come from him. I expected a “Make smart choices.” or a “Do good in school, this is the year that counts the most.” or even a “Don’t be a dumbass.”. I soon began to realize though, why my brother chose these two short, impactful words.

The amount of stress that we as college students face on a daily basis is inconceivable. Whether it be a class, paying bills on time, relationship hardships, stress from extracurriculars, or all of the above and everything below. Suicide today is the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24. MIT and Harvard lead in suicide rates among college campuses. These statistics show us that young people and college students as a whole face an unhealthy degree of stress.

I am halfway through my first semester of my junior year of college, and I now understand why my brother chose the words that he did. He graduated from a private university in four years and is now in grad school, I consider him an expert in this experience. He chose those words not because having fun is the most important thing in life, but because sometimes it is essential to make having fun a priority.

I never once took my brother’s words as “Party hard, it’s your junior year!”. I take my brothers words in a number of ways. I take his words as a reminder to keep a balance between school, work, leisure and sleep. I take his words as a reminder that not all of the time, but sometimes, going with the decision that will make you happiest in that moment is worth it. I take his words as a reminder that although school comes first and my work ethic does in fact matter in the long run, allowing myself to be a 20 year old holds importance as well.

Finding the balance between the things that make us happy and the things that we do because we are functioning beings in society is difficult for anybody. No matter your workload, your work ethic, no matter the number of items on that enormous platter of yours, never forget that before a student, before a bill payer and before a go-getter, you are a human being. 

-Brina Covarrubias 

What your Mother Didn’t Tell You About: Intimate Partner Violence

\\\\\tw/cw: domestic violence, rape, abuse/////

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As some of you may or may not know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so I found it appropriate to discuss intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence can happen to anyone, but it is extremely prevalent in the queer community. The National Violence Against Women survey states “21.5 percent of men and 35.4 percent of women living with a same-sex partner experienced intimate-partner physical violence in their lifetimes. Transgender respondents had an incidence of 34.6 percent over a lifetime” (Glass). IPV extends much farther than physical violence. Verbal and emotional abuse, rape, and stalking are just some of the many ways that abusers exercise control over their partners. Although progress has been made as far as creating resources for victims of Intimate Partner Violence, we are still faced with the issue of queer violence erasure. This erasure is not always performed by our heterosexual counterparts, but by queer people as well. The queer community is a tight-knit one, but not flawless. Many times queer intimate partner violence goes unsaid which is due, in part, to our efforts to paint a perfect picture that combats the perpetuated hatred posed by society. Our community has overcome an immense amount of hardships to become even remotely accepted, so a threat, like violence, that could potentially damage our image is frightening. Intimate partner violence is often portrayed as an issue in heterosexual relationships, so existing resources are not accessible for people who don’t fit the stereotype of an IPV victim. Our society is set on the fact that female-identified people cannot be abusers and male-identified people cannot be victims. In some cases, this belief affects queer relationships in that violence within them is not taken seriously, almost as if you are fighting with a friend or sibling. Intimate partner violence exists in all communities and we need to start talking about it. We need to eliminate the stigmas that plague IPV victims. Doing something as simple as recognizing that this happens in our community and starting conversations about this issue can go so far. Spread awareness, fight for resources, use your voice! Something must be done to shed light on the violence that occurs in queer relationships. I stand in solidarity with queer victims of intimate partner violence, do you?

References

Glass, JD. "2 Studies That Prove Domestic Violence Is an LGBT Issue." Advocate (2014): n. pag. Web.

By: Sierra Caraveo

How My Perception of Consent Was Changed Forever

I have identified myself as a feminist since the moment I grasped a concept of feminism. As a feminist, I have always been all for consent. However, my understanding of consent and what consent looks like in any relationship drastically changed when I met my ex partner.

Sex and consent were two topics my ex and I discussed fairly often in our relationship. Until our relationship my idea of consent was simply that somebody had to ask something along the lines of “Do you want to have sex?” and their counterpart responding with “Yes.”

I now realize that consent is so much more than just sex. I soon found myself asking for consent for everything. At first it was things like placing my hand on another person’s thigh. A year ago I figured that if I and a person are sitting down, there is obvious sexual tension,  and from what I perceive by the person’s body language they “want it”, then there is a green light for my hand to grab their thigh.

This is not okay. An individual’s clothing, body language and nonverbals do not provide consent. I am now a junior here at Chico State, and because of my change in perception of consent I find myself the odd one out. I have been with other people after my ex, and I ask consent for everything. Once I was actually told it was “weird” that I had asked for consent to put my hand on the person’s inner thigh, simply because we were already openly attracted to each other.

Consent is so much more than just sex. The definition of consent is to give permission for something to happen or be done. However, the concept of consent and how and when to use it is ambiguous. The definition does not specifically say when consent should be used. In my opinion, consent is very simple. Consent should be applied in any interaction with another human being where there is reason to believe that there is a chance that what you are about to do or say next will make the person uncomfortable in any shape or form.

For example, I now ask my counterparts “Do you mind if I bring this up?” if I believe I might be bringing up a touchy subject. I have received response of confusion, because most people do not ask for consent in a conversation. I have also received very positive responses, such as “Thank you for asking first, it is kind of hard to talk about sometimes”.

Think about when a good friend and their long-term partner break up. For the next few weeks of that person’s life they are usually asked on a daily basis “Why did you break up?” Nobody says, “Hey, do you mind if I bring up the break up?” Even though many of us know how painful break ups could be, and how painful they could be to talk about directly after happening.

Another example is when asking a friend who identifies in the LGBTQ+ community, “How does your family feel about it?”. Even if you are great friends with this person, you should always ask for consent for that particular conversation. The person may be have been kicked out of their home, abused, or even cut off completely by family members because of their identity. Asking this question without permission might be a severe trigger for this person.

As human beings we are curious. As friends, we care. However, the next time you are wanting to ask someone about something that may be a touchy subject, ask for consent. It does no harm, and almost always the person will appreciate you asking. Whether it is regarding sex, asking for the reason a person did something, or anything at all that could possibly lead to a person’s discomfort, ask for consent.

By: Brina Covarrubias

What your Mother Didn’t Tell You About: Privilege

If there is one word I’ve heard continuously throughout my academic career it’s privilege. All of us have it, yet it remains as taboo as menstruation (we’ll get to this issue another day). Why is it that we’re so fearful of identifying our own privileges? First off, we feel as though we’re being blamed for something out of our own control. Often times when people are reminded of their privilege the response is along the lines of “you have no idea how hard I’ve worked for XYZ”. What those people fail to realize is that although there can be privilege within certain socioeconomic statuses, it is also exercised institutionally. 

As a cisgender-identified female and someone who passes as such, I’ve never experienced the stress of deciding on which bathroom I need to use, or been discriminated against during airport security checks. I am privileged in that way. I’m completely able-bodied, so access in places like concerts is not a concern of mine. I am privileged in that way. On the other end of the spectrum, I may experience discrimination and/or hate for identifying as a lesbian or African American or Latina. Someone with white privilege or heterosexual privilege would not share these experiences with me. Another reason privilege is problematic for some people is because they feel guilty. We are all privileged to some degree, so feeling guilty for these privileges is counterproductive. Feeling guilt is not enough, and it does nothing to better the circumstance for marginalized groups. Rather than being so afraid of this word we should recognize it. We should acknowledge our privileges, and check them. We should use them to speak up for folks who do not share these privileges with us. Not so as to erase their experience, but to use our platforms to further strive for equity in our society. 

The other aspect of privilege is knowing when to use it. You may have the privilege as a manager within a company or professor at a university to speak at events or gain celebrity on behalf of the organization you represent. Before enjoying that limelight, check your privilege and decide if there is someone more suitable to give that speech or interview for that new broadcast. For instance, if you’re the CEO of a restaurant chain who is asked to speak at a conference about the topic of minimum wage, take into consideration that someone who actually works for low wages may make a better speaker. Listen, we can’t change the privileges we have, but what we can do is refrain from denying them and use them for greater good instead.

By: Sierra Caraveo

Body Positivity Activism: Finding the Balance

“I am my own holy revolution, welcome to the church of my thunder thighs, I am awake and alive, I've come to wear all of the crop tops that the glittering world has to offer, I've come to dance the shame out of my childhood, I've come to win back my joy. You may not snatch it from me like a purse. I win whether I have a mouth full of pretzels or a mouth full of kale; you have not been granted the privilege to know how I consume my world and what makes me most delight in my skin. I will glorify the shit out of my body.” – Mary Lambert

I’m fat. Not in a self-deprecating, seeking-reassurance-of-my-beauty, feeling-bloated kind of way. I identify as fat as a reclamation of a slur, as a declaration of inclusive feminism, as a radical approach to bodily autonomy, as an insistence upon body positivity at all times...and because, well, I’m just fat! But mostly I identify as fat because loving myself and my body holistically is a revolutionary act in a world that commodifies self-hatred and insecurity, especially of women-identified folks. The diet industry has grossly profited off of the lies that femininity = thin and healthy = thin, and there is nothing more powerful than shouting back “YEP. I’M FAT. THAT IS MY WORD, NOT YOURS.”

However…

I am also in recovery for an eating disorder. And I have felt the looks of betrayal from fellow fat-identified folks when I discuss what recovery and seeking holistic health looks like for me. Because “health” has been thrown around by fat-shamers and diet advertisements when what they really mean is a traditional western conception of thinness – of which some value above all else. But that’s not what I mean when I say I am seeking health. I seek balance, healing, and even more self-love for this body that has carried the weight of so much pain when my heart wasn’t able to. Body positivity is so good and so important – but not if you claim that term while you continue to police the behavior of others.

If you are a thin person who is curious about finding ways in which you can support fat folks, the beginning is in acknowledgement of an often overlooked fact: thin privilege is real. It is very real and very under-acknowledged. Thin privilege exists when you go to the doctor for a specific medical concern and the topic does not inevitably drift to discussions of your weight and weight-loss strategies (I’m lookin’ at you, OBGYN). It exists when you aren’t concerned about getting a job because your potential employer will automatically assume you are lazy just by your body type. It exists when you don’t have to worry about a stranger offering “helpful” suggestions about what’s in your shopping cart at the grocery store (yeah…it’s happened). And it exists in simply knowing that the clothes that you are interested in wearing will come in your size (whew, what a concept). Thin folks must acknowledge that thin privilege and the ways in which the body they exist in benefits them in more ways than they could ever imagine.

I need a feminism that is body positive, recovery positive, and bodily autonomy positive. This is your body – it is no one’s but yours. This is your heart, your lungs, your thighs, your belly, your hair, your skin – it’s all yours. You get to decorate it however you want. You get to style it however you want. And you get to decide what food nourishes it.

You are the world’s leading expert on your body and you get to decide what health and self-love looks like for you. Because above all, in all circumstances, the body is not an apology…

By: Margaret van der Bie

Spoken Word as a Practice of Self Care

Sometimes writing can be a form of stress relief for people. It can have physical and emotional benefits. I went around and asked a couple of students to share some of the things they have written and why they write. These are their stories.

This first piece is by Egypt Howard a staff member on campus:

I'm black
I come from ancient kings and Queens
But being black ain't always the blessing you think
They laugh and they joke that being black is ugly
But what do they really see when they look at me?
My kinky hair can be short and long,
Curly and straight there's no right or wrong
My brown skin can be light and dark
Kissed by the sun it's my beauty mark
I'm a survivor and I do my best
To be unapologetically black in the middle of all this mess
I'm a strong black woman you see
And I’m Born from ancient kings and Queens
I use my knowledge and wisdom to create understanding,
And there is something I need y'all to understand from me,
Black is beauty
I got a foot and arm and face just like the rest of my human race
If black lives matter why is there so much hate?
It's black and brown lives that have suffered the most
I have a dream too I'd rather not suffer from hope
Hope is to black people as drugs to a fiend
We take a hit and see Oprah Winfrey
Then it all comes down
#ijustcantbreathe
Take another hit, and Kendrick's back at it
skittles and an Arizona is all it took to kill it
#doilooksuspicious
I'd rather live in a world that actually valued me
We say we value diversity
But can that truly be when there's only like 2% of me
If the masters tools can never dismantle the masters house
Why are we choosing all the wrong routes
It's time for a revolution y'all
Let's get in formation
We come from ancient kings and Queens
It's our time and it's up to us to create it
PEACE

“I write because it is a release, it is an opportunity for me to feel my anger and sadness authentically without the judgment or opinions from others. I write because it my brain is filled up with emotions that are unacceptable to voice without the repercussions of being labeled the ‘angry black woman’ and my voice being shut down. I write because there is so much going on in the world that no one person can possibly hold it all in and stay sane. I write because I hope that I will look back one day and see that things have changed. Writing is a release, and release is something you need when you live in a world that doesn’t value you, so I write.”

–Egypt Howard

This next piece is by a Latina student who prefers to remain anonymous:

The skeletons in my closet are beginning to overflow

I try harder & harder to keep them from falling out the door

The lock is broken and I don’t know how to fix it

I can’t close the door

I thought releasing a few would alleviate the strain, but all it’s done is make them stronger & stronger

Wounds are reopening

I can feel all the pain like it was just yesterday

They keep getting louder and louder. Nothing I do can drown out their screeches

Please close the door

Spoken words became my broken words

Tearing me apart, deep inside down to my core

Making me hide

From you

From them

From me

They’re getting harder to hide from

I keep running and running

They keep chasing and chasing

Please close the door

My thoughts transforming to words

My words transforming to nightmares

My nightmares one again transforming to my reality

making life unbearable

As tears being to flow I can’t help but think

Why me? What did I do?

Someone please shut the fucking door

If one more person tells me “I know how it feels” “it gets better” or some shit like “time heals everything”

I’m going to punch them in the throat.

Just close the door

I don’t want you to feel my pain

I want you to heal my pain

If you can’t do that then there isn’t room for you here

Please shut the door

I’ve been told its okay to be selfish

And I need to be unless I want to drag you down with me

Destroy you like I’m destroying myself

Slowly but surely it will happen

As time goes on the skeletons are getting bigger & stronger, their bones starting to develop muscle that’s turning into flesh

So please, I beg you, please just help me close the fucking door

before it’s too late.

“I write because there are sometimes no words to describe how I feel to tell anyone else. It is my way of being able to release all of the thoughts that tend to consume my mind and my life. I write so that they will not have as much power over me. Writing helps me feel like a huge load has been taken off my shoulders. I write so that I am able to continue searching for hope. This is a way I can feel better about myself in a healthy manner.”

Life is always going to have its ups and downs, and we all need healthy ways to get through it. We all have various different methods we use to de-stress. Whether that is through meditation, working out, napping or dancing. Spoken word is a form of poetry various individuals use as an outlet for their emotions. When people write, it allows them to reflect back on their experiences and sort out their thoughts and emotions. Next time you are feeling overwhelmed try something new - take a pen and some paper and let your thoughts flow out of you. You might find yourself becoming a spoken word artist. 

Consider submitting one or more of your pieces to asgsec.lgbtq@csuchico.com for our event, "Disrupting the Silence: Using Anger as a Form of Art" which will be in Selvester's Cafe on April 28th from 7:00-8:30pm. 

By: Griselda Avila

A Seat at the Table: Offering Inclusion to Ignored Intersections

After transferring to Chico State from a religious university that was extremely unaccepting of my queer identity, I was so excited to finally find a community that accepted me holistically. However, I quickly found out that many queer spaces weren’t so ready to be inclusive towards people of faith. When I was in religious circles, my sexual orientation was seen as invalidation of my religious identity and, in extreme cases, caused me to not be welcomed back to a particular group or organization. In queer spaces, my religious identity was seen a barrier to fully participate in that community.

In activist communities, many of us find solace and sense of community that we have been missing our entire lives. But when we have intersections of our identity that are often seen as conflicting or in tension, it can be difficult to find a sense of total acceptance. As activists, full accessibility of our spaces and events should be of the utmost importance. People of faith, folks in recovery/sobriety, and teenagers are just a few demographics that have often been left out of the conversation when forming safe spaces surrounding feminism and LGBTQ+ issues. Negotiating these identities is not always easy, but when we as are intentional about creating safe spaces for all people, we become a better community because of it.

Thankfully for those of us living in Chico, we have so many wonderful community organizations that are welcoming and affirming to these (and many other) intersections. Below is a list of groups in Chico that are safe and accepting spaces of LGBTQ+ people who may have other identifiers that have previously inhibited them from seeking support and community. And, of course, the AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center is, and always will be, a safe space for folks from all walks of life.

Support for minors:

Stonewall Alliance Youth (SAY) Teens

The teens group is a non-threatening, non-discriminatory, and safe outlet for teens (ages 14-17) to talk about issues surrounding sexuality. They are inclusive to all youth and meet every Thursday from 3:30-5:00pm at the Stonewall Alliance Center. Contact Conner at conner@stonewallchico.org for more information.

Support for queer folks in recovery:

http://queersobrietysupport.tumblr.com/

Online community that is a safe space for queer and/or trans folks thinking about sobriety, struggling with sobriety, or otherwise looking for comfort, community, and resources.

Affirming spiritual congregations in Chico:

Trinity United Methodist Church  

Methodist Church

285 E 5th St, Chico, CA 95928

(530) 343-1497

Faith Lutheran Church

667 E 1st Ave, Chico, CA 95926

(530) 895-3754

New Visions United Church of Christ

1600 Mangrove Ave Suite 175

(530) 342-4913

Congregation Beth Israel Synagogue

1336 Hemlock St, Chico, CA 95928

(530) 342-6146

By: Margaret van der Bie

Placing Stigma Where It Belongs: Into the Conversation

If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t refrain from going to the doctor because someone might have it worse than you. You wouldn’t ignore your persistent physical cold symptoms, so why would you ignore your mental health? Here’s the problem: you don’t want anyone to think there is something wrong with you, the burden of the stigma associated with mental health weighs heavy on your shoulders. This stigma keeps us busy worrying what others will think of us, instead of worrying about taking care of ourselves. And just like our physical health, our mental well being affects everyone, from every social class, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

            

As a college student here at CSU Chico, I hear so many of my peers talk about their struggles with managing stress, anxiety, depression, and prioritizing their self-care. One might wonder how we can create a social change, to promote this notion that it is okay to not be okay. Here is what we can to to create this change: we need to normalize the conversation regarding mental health, perpetuate the notion that mental health struggles affect everyone and look different to everyone. Creating a wave of change in which people can openly express their feelings, their struggles, and their self-worth is extremely important to one’s well being. We need to address the fact that stigma keeps us from talking about mental health and seeking help for it, and place stigma where it belongs, into the conversation. 

Listed below are some of the organizations/offices on our campus that you can utilize to actively pursue a healthy mental well-being:

UMatter

633 Brice Ave., Chico, CA 

530-898-6345

Safe Place

633 Brice Ave., Chico, CA

530-898-3030

Counseling and Wellness Center

Student Services Center 430

530-898-6345

Student Health Center

At the intersection of Legion Ave. and Warner St.

530-898-5241

AS Gender and Sexuality Equity Center

Bell Memorial Union 004

530-898-5724